A to Z of excuses

A list of excuses used in station and on-train announcements to explain why trains are delayed or cancelled. If you have heard of any more please email me.

• A body on the line at XXX
• A broken "insert another TOCs name" train in the XXX area.
• A drunk man on the line (at Maidenhead, 1999)
• A remarkable lack of investment in the infrastructure of the railway system by government
• Armed escaped prisoner on track threatening trains.
• Awaiting free platform.
• Awaiting police assistance.
• Bomb scare.
• Bridge bash.
• Broken rail.
• Broken wheel.
• Broken window on train being replaced.
• Cancelled due to shortage of resources.
• Children surfing on the side of trains.
• Collision.
• Completely incompetent management at every level.
• Computer Failure.
• Cow / sheep / dog / deer / swan / badger / llama / whatever on the line.
• Crew's taxi delayed.
• Criminal was under the train. (It turned out that the Police had taken possession of the track.)
• Defective bogie.
• Defective central locking.
• Delaying by freight train.
• Delayed due to the Royal Escort - the royal's can't be held up at any level crossings so the trains get delayed instead.
• Derailment.
• Deranged female on line (SC of Leeds - King's Cross train, North of Finsbury Park, circa 1994)
• Diverted from normal route. (Then while diverted, driver missread incorrectly set signals, so went into Ferrybridge power station.)
• Driver abandons train
• Driver / guard late for work.
• Driver has been asked to check the overhead equipment for damage.
• Driver having his teabreak.
• Driver held up in motorway traffic jam.
• Driver's taxi got lost on way to station.
• Driver walked of to collect kids from school.
• Due to difficulties
• Due to no reason whatsoever - heard at Fleet.
• Due to the general imcompetence of British Rail.
• Due to the weather (rain).
• Emergency stop due to passenger boarding the wrong train.
• Earlier late running.
• Electricity turned off
• Exploding pigeon (apparently the wires at Kings Cross Thameslink are quite low and a bird flying between the wire and the roof causes 25kV to earth itself on the train via the bird!)
• Failure of another train on the route.
• Failure of safety equipment at stations (eg DOO monitors).
• Female patient on line....
• Fire alarm sounding at station XX.
• Flooded line.
• Frozen points.
• Herons mating.
• Horse on the line.
• I don't know what the problem is, I'll just have a look (SC on Virgin Cross Country service at Oxford, early Nov 1996)
• Ice on the line.
• Incident.
• Landslide.
• Late arrival of stock from the depot.
• Late arrive of incoming service.
• Late running engineering work.
• Late running proceeding trains.
• Leaves on the line.
• Level crossing failure.
• Lineside fire.
• Mechanical failure of train.
• No driver / guard.
• Operating difficulties.
• Overhanging tree branches (at Market Harborough)
• Passenger sick onboard train.
• Passenger taken ill on board service.
• Person by the side of the line with a rifle
• Points failure.
• Poor rail conditions (leaves on the line).
• Portakabin blocking the line (It was very windy that day, and one had toppled over and was blocking the up fast and the two down lines between Watford Gap and Milton Keynes.)
• Power failure at signal box.
• Power failure.
• Problem with the doors.
• Red light causing delay.
• Rat self destructed whilst chewing through signalling cables.
• Report of open door on proceeding service thus forming a check of the line.
• Rugby related problems (on Reading - Waterloo services after a Rugby watch at Twickenham).
• Rioting football supporters on train.
• Running on one power car
• Shortage of trains in the West Country.
• Signalling fault.
• Signalman's decided to send us down a non-electrified line
• Signalman's decided to send us via the branch instead of the main line
• Slippery rails all over the country (given at Surbiton)
• Snow on the line.
• Snow at North Pole (Eurostar depot - so they can't get any trains in or out).
• Some charlie's used an alarm handle as a coat hook (given on a London-Bedford Thameslink train).
• "Sorry about the delay so far, and that we continue to run at a reduced speed. If you would like to look outside through the right hand windows, you will see quite a lot of water".
• Staff shortage.
• Stock is currently frozen to the rails in Letchworth.
• Suicide.
• Technical problems.
• The xxxx train is delayed due to roadworks at Lewes - The roadworks were next to a level crossing and the crossing was being operated by hand in sync with traffic signals.
• The f****ing train's broken down. (Given at Milton Keynes)
• The police have asked us to lock the doors and await their clearance because they are onboard to make an arrest (ECML darlington 1996)
• The signalbox computer's just crashed (it's running Windows, what d'you expect? :-)
• The doors won't close (on a 455 with defective doors at London Waterloo)
• The wrong type of boat on the line (During rain and strong winds a boat was blown onto the line between Dawlish and Teignmouth.
• There will be no further trains due too a giraffe becoming entangled in the overhead wires (given at Fenchurch Street during a particuly bad evening.)
• Theft of cables.
• This service is delayed due to the train catching fire on its previous journey
• This train is delayed as the guard has been taken away by the police. We hope to find you another one in half an hour. (Guard arrested for excess ticket fraud by plainclothes)
• Train being diverted.
• Train is delayed due to Madonna (at Liverpool Street,
  1995(?) Great Eastern decided to hold the last train
  of the evening to allow concert-goers to return from
  Wembley)
• Train proceeding at caution due to report of shopping trolley on line.
• Train receiving fitter's attention.
• Trainspotters on the line (near Grantham, in 1999)
• Tree blocking onto line.
• Trespassers.
• Vandal dropping object down tunnel ventilation shaft.
• Vandalism.
• Waiting for the other driver (Birmingham New Street 1994, when HSTs needed 2 drivers)
• We apologise for the late arrival of the train at Norwich. This was due to a delay.
• We apologise for the late arrival of the train from Manchester. This was due to trespassers fighting on the lines at Wilmslow
• We wish to apologise most sincerely to the passengers who have recently arrived on the Royal Highlander from Inverness. Your train was delayed for several hours due to a locomotive failure near Drumochter. Then the overhead wires came down near Wigan, so your train was diverted via Manchester. A passenger was taken ill, causing the train to have to wait for an ambulance to arrive at Stockport. Finally, you were diverted via Northampton, due to signalling equipment failure south of Rugby!
• We're lost
• Wrong kind of snow.

Here's another, from Ross:

'This was on a WAGN service from King's Cross to Cambridge on a Sunday evening in May of 1997.

"Ladies and gentlemen..... I just broke the train. [He paused, perhaps deliberately; he *definitely* sounded sheepish.]

Fortunately, we've found a replacement, so if you'd like to make your way over to platform (whichever it was), we'll be departing in a few  minutes."

(At the appointed time, the train had rumbled ominously, shuddered about six feet down the track, then stopped. The driver made this
announcement  about a minute later.)'

And lastly, Neil Oaks kindly sent in:

'I am sorry for the 3 hour delay this afternoon, but unfortunately the
De-Icer (or should that be Sandite) in front of us has laid a too
thinner
layer of solution on the rails this afternoon and this unit (it was
456020) is far too light to cope with the current rail conditions.'

AND TODAY

'Connex customer services apologises for the Cancellation of the 13:09
service from Tattenham Corner to Charing Cross but the driver has
mislaid
the paper with his duty on it whilst assisting to recover a failed
train
in the London Bridge area (whereas in fact they were short of
staff!!!)'

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